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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

A hurricane I’ll never outrun.

This morning I opened my eyes to calm. The hype around the storm crumbled away. But there was a crippling fear… a disgusting need to know that you, though you’ve made me less than myself, were safe. I couldn’t find why. I couldn’t pull a reason from the mess of blankets and sheets I bandaged myself in. Reassurance that I wouldn’t fall apart through the night. I unwind, pulling back folds of fabric to find my mind. Something sane. An explanation. But I am at a loss. I do not want to be on my own. I keep the television loud at night to feel less alone. I dread human contact but can’t stand to be alone.. two parts of me that are constantly at war with one another. The inside of my head is out of breath from jumping here and there.