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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

i cannot remember what his face looks like and i am panicking. i close my eyes and catch it and within seconds it disappears in the mess of my head. the walls are sweating and my pills are near gone and the sun screams at me to get up. stop it, you silly, stupid little girl. there is no cryptic way to explain to you, who ever is listening, that i am hurting worse than i’ve weathered before. i hold onto the days by the skin of my teeth and see stars when they crunch together when the effort is wasted and i watch them melt down the drain.