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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

I should not be here, you know..

There are times I remember things out of the blue, like the second time and how hard it was not to touch you. The sun was sinking lower and lower and the rain was clear. You snuck up and into the sand, allowing yourself to be muddied the same way I was. It was quiet. We never had that way with words. Our chemistry worked like an old black and white silent film. An hour must have passed before your fingers tickled the inside of my arm. You leaned in and sucked the nervous breath from my chest and we made a vow to make another trip before the world woke up and the sun started peeking. You walked away and I wanted to die. The edges of my own abusive mind curled in on me and left me stranded in darkness.