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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

 The nervous collapsing of his chest slowed and his heart fell to a lull. I closed my eyes and gave myself to him. Not in the sense you’re thinking, no. I just let him have his night. I lay there with him in my arms, holding him the way you held me, and I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with him the way he imagined. It took everything out of me to get lost in the thought, to run my fingers through his hair and pretend that I was his. It was innocent, and yet somehow as the seconds ticked by I grew sicker and sicker inside. And it was then, as his fingers curled with need into my clothes, that I began to pray, and the words somehow escaped my head and were spoken out loud. He told me that we would be okay and I had to believe him because there was a small part of me that, as we clung for our lives to each other, believed maybe someday I could get used to this.