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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

talking about you. to strangers. to an empty room. to a dimly lit computer screen. to stiff white pages. everything comes back. sometimes, i cannot hold myself together. sometimes, i just need someone. sometimes, i don’t want to be here. sometimes i wish i never got better. sometimes i wish i left. sometimes i wish i told you no. sometimes i wish i didnt judge how much i loved myself by what numbers say. sometimes i wish i didnt judge how much you loved me by what numbers say. sometimes, i wish i never met you at all.