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it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay  

i love him. there are no other words that will allow me to tell you. in a simple, yet grotesquely complex way, i love him. i will always love him. i wish i knew how to tell you all that i love him just as much as i wish i knew how to tell myself i love him. i gave him all of me, and now it will forever be him. i love him. it is the kind of love that crumbles youth. it is the kind of love that rips your soul from your body and sends your fragile skeleton crashing to the floor in a heap. it is the kind of love that plucks diamonds from the dust of your bones. it is the kind of love that makes you look at yourself as part of another. it is the kind of love that unzips wrists. it is violent. it is second hand smoke, and the smell of damp grass, and first snow falls, and the last day of summer, and faded tans, and virginity lost a thousand times. i saw him tonight in the same place that we once shared together years ago. i saw his family, and his pride. and what was dormant for so long is now in full bloom. i love him. it will be the death of me.